I looked back at my blog posts from the beginning of the pandemic. Before my day that the “earth stood still.” Before.
I was hopeful about the good side of lockdown — see Lockdown Italia: Day 10 — it is there. Curiosity was there too, what would this change of lifestyle bring? What would I discover, what would I do?
Then my middle son died. Not from coronavirus, but for over a month I had worried that he would die from the virus. He instead died of complications from an ill-timed, ill-advised surgery that didn’t heal and he ended up with internal bleeding that couldn’t be stopped. He died relatively quickly, and relatively painlessly, without the agony experienced by those COVID patients who die a slow, breathless death.
Even now, I see the mercy in this event. Unfortunately, I haven’t wanted to embrace this reality. Who wants to embace a rattlesnake? This morning, no wait, two days ago, I was listening to a song with lyrics about losing someone and now everyday is a rainy day — I think Bruno Mars was singing it. And I started feeling. My denial, my emotional paralysis, my initial shock might be moving forward.
Moving forward might also be moving downwards, in fact, it has to move downwards. I have to feel sad, outraged, terrified, hollow, abandoned, and I have to wail from the loss. How have I been able to avoid this for so long? For 502 days?
The sadness, the wave of grief has been lapping at my feet for 16 months and now I have to step further into the ocean, while the ocean moves towards me.
What makes women in a particular city, say Paris, look so Parisian? Likewise, what makes women in Rome, look so Italian?! Here are some decoding bullets:
Jewelry (big, bold, and lots of it!)
Trendy or beautiful shoes
Loose locks of hair
One really big statement piece
Clear style statements of confidence
Mani/pedis are a must
Fully styled professionals
Luxury denim is styled upscale
Lips and Mascara
Here are some other style helpers:
Helmet that coordinates with scooter
Leather (Italian) handbag
Leather (Italian) jacket
Here’s what I don’t see on the streets of Rome worn by Romans:
Bottom cleavage/muffin tops
So let me describe a few of the beautiful Italian women I have seen so far, but haven’t gotten photos of:
Woman #1: 60s/70s — Black hair — skinny skinny
Hosiery with large criss-cross design, flat black suede shoes
Black sheath dress trimmed with short fringe
Black leather jacket
Giant pearl and gold necklace, earrings, multiple rings
Woman #2: 40s/50s — brown hair — average build
Wide-legged, over-dyed, oversized denim cropped jeans in a melon color
Matching oversized straight cut car length jacket in same melon denim
Extra-long print scarf down to her knees in a print of melon/neon green/red
Ankle boots, mid-height heel, trendy in light tan (Italian leather, I would bet)
Woman #3: 60s — salt and pepper hair — athletic build
Cropped gabardine pants in dark green
Open-toed suede shoe in cognac with a chunky stacked heel (Italian leather)
Silk print blouse — three shades of green with some purple for good luck
Leather jacket in cognac (Italian leather)
Cream-colored helmet & matching cream and black scooter
Silk chiffon scarf in pale green
Leather brief portfolio in cognac (Matchy-matchy I love it!)
Each of these women had a certain striking air of confidence, and of assertiveness. I got the sense that they didn’t put too much focus on matters that didn’t directly involve them. I also sensed that they weren’t looking for style approval, but rather that style was their medium, under their control.
The morning of my flight from Johannesburg, South Africa to Frankfurt, Germany I started an earnest sinus infection/summer cold. Here’s what I did right and what I would change if I had to do it all over again…
This is what worked well:
Scheduled 24-hour layover in new hotel
Hall’s cough drops in a carry-on bag
Advil in a carry-on bag
Z-pack antibiotics (proactively prescribed from fantastic nurse practitioner)
Giant bottle of water to take on the plane
Best carry-on bag design
Shopping in airport
What I would change:
Type of hotel
Should have been located near some restaurants
So, I stayed at a sister brand hotel– it was really new, and really cute. Hip. Trendy. Lower cost. Here’s why:
No in-room coffee
No executive lounge
No room service
No wi-fi in room
I learned on this trip just how spoiled I am with a full-service hotel, meaning the big, full service with a restaurant, a snack room, an executive lounge, room service, coffee-at-will in my room. In these big hotels, I can work in the room, in the lounge, in the lobby, but in these trendy scaled down hotels, it is designed for a different crowd. Folks who have kids, don’t work from their room, are not spending any time in their room except to shower and to sleep.
So, I dragged myself around the coffee bar/check-in a few times during the day, looking so pathetic, the guest manager/clerk helped me microwave my soup, find the spoons, and made me coffee. I ended up sleeping throughout the day and night, recovering from the crud that had ushered me out of Africa.
Note: I have found incredible hospitality at the hotels that I have stayed at — caring people, ready to help. Because I have been a road warrior, I have had several instances of being quite ill during my stays throughout the United States and Europe. Here’s a shout out to every room service person who helped me with hot water and lemon, disinfecting the bathroom [don’t ask], the folks in the restaurant who prescribed lime juice with salt for my throat so I could deliver training to a crowd, and proceeded to procure it for me from the kitchen, and I could go on…Everyone at these places deserves to be treated kindly and with respect. I love you all in the hospitality industry!!!!
Shout out to the room decor designers! This is what I was waking up to when I was so sick in Frankfurt, Germany at the Moxy Hotel.
One of the annoying little things that can happen on any given expedition out of your front door is an accident. There are all kinds of accidents that happen every day, you get stung by a wasp–swelling up, you eat something that makes you sick, or you step one wrong way, causing some weird injury that impacts your ability to do what you want to do.
This happens while traveling, although usually not to me.
You see I am a bit of a “being safe” nut — full of helpful anxiety about germs, street food, and neighborhoods that are off the beaten track. I walk tall, don’t drink much alcohol (if at all), and am inside of my hotel room at a reasonable hour. I avoid public demonstrations, threatening people (both them threatening me and me threatening them LOL!), and going out without a scarf, a sweater, and a cross-body bag. I pack bandaids, acetaminophen, diarrhea medicine, vitamin C, and sunscreen. All of this so that when I travel I can walk all over the city fearlessly and fun-loving!
But accidents do happen. And one happened to me on Monday of Week 3 of my 5-week vacation. I was at a wild animal park/sanctuary, and I stepped down from a tall step onto some cardboard that had been placed, I had imagined at the time, over a former mud puddle. The dirt was dry, there was no mud, I didn’t even stop to think about taking this large step. My weight landed on my right foot, which then slid over the hidden large rock, and proceeded to hyper-extend, popping as I landed with a thump. My phone flew out of my hand; I managed to land on my knee, then my well padded hind end; shaken up, to say the least. I am not in the habit of falling, tripping, nor stumbling. I think of myself as being quite spry, although not at all athletic.
As you can see below, this did not stop me from petting the baby cheetahs!
I am so grateful that I didn’t know at the time that I had broken a bone in my foot since I have extreme anxiety about visiting hospitals, especially hospitals in Africa. Now, I say this since the local hospital that was pointed out to me in Zimbabwe was built from cinder blocks back in the 1950s–I would guess. (Realize that I do believe in contributing to any and all aid organizations that help third-world countries get medical supplies and other assistance.) We have resistant strains of bacteria and viruses in the U.S. and I am certain that it is no different over here in Africa.
So, grateful. No trip to the doctor [until 6 weeks later when it became apparent that it was more than a bad bruise]. But….with swelling, bruising, and pain that continues every step that I make a full two weeks later, I now have a new understanding of making the most of a trip. [And now, 9 months later, I realize how important it is to avoid injury!]
It is now a full month later and I still have pain in my foot and rely heavily on my hiking shoes — no other shoe feels comfortable. I have a bruise on the bottom of my foot, another one on the side, and the worst bruising on the top of my foot. You know what this means…Dr. Podiatrist here I come!
Also another P.S. regarding healthcare and Africa: Thank you to my nurse practitioner J.S. for not only prescribing medicine to prevent malaria, but also having the foresight to prescribe a Z-Pack — as it happened, the morning of my 10-hour flight from Johannesburg to Frankfurt, I woke up with a sore throat, coughing, –some sort of bronchial sinus cold that I am prone to–the meds are saving my butt. I am in Frankfurt, showered, napped, and on day 2 of the Z-pack and can function. Even if the flight was rough, thank you Halls Extra strength by the way. I will cover being sick in a foreign city in a hotel layover room in a future post!
I really love good socks. I L-O-V-E socks. Everyone gets socks from me in their Christmas stockings, I look at socks online, in stores, and at booths, and I talk about socks all of the time. I really love quality socks. I know that a lot of people like funky designs on their socks and I like that too, but a well-engineered sock gets me excited!
A well-engineered sock has features–features that solve problems. After all, socks were invented to solve problems, right? Socks were invented to keep your foot from blistering in your shoes, as well as keeping your shoes from dying a pitiful, uncleanly death from foot perspiration.
A poorly-engineered sock is truly irritating, both literally and figuratively. Poorly-engineered socks have caused many toddler meltdowns from my oldest son who is now 34 years old, and I am still suffering PTSD over one of those episodes. They also twist on your feet while you are walking, or they slip down under your heel. They also make your foot uncomfortable because they are too small, or too large. The yarn that they are woven with might suddenly break, creating holes. The type of yarn might not provide breatheability, or warmth. The weight of the yarn as well as the pattern of the sock might be too thin, or too thick.
You can see that we don’t give sock designer-engineers enough thanks. A perfectly engineered sock should come in sizes — Germany does that particularly well. I can get a sock that is just right for my foot, for my husband’s foot, and my giant-of-a-middle son’s foot. I can’t easily do that in the U.S.
The U.S. does have an excellent wool sport sock that is washable and durable. I do absolutely love this brand of socks, and I in no way have been compensated to feature this brand. I love this brand because of how well it is engineered. After I sat on the plane next to a designer for this brand, I really started believing in this brand. It is a pricey sock for the average person, however, these socks are durable, comfortable, and convenient to use. All of those factors reduce the overall cost of this sock. The brand is local to Coloradoans, it is sold at Nordstrom as well as from their own boutiques and online. It is Smart Wool — the perfect name for this product.
I hurt my foot over a week ago here in South Africa, where it is winter, and chilly, and uncomfortable. Part of healing my foot is wearing my comforting Smart Wool socks. They provide support, warmth, and since I purchased them in happy colors and designs, they lift my spirits a little. Also, these socks aren’t the thick wool socks that won’t fit into your shoes. These socks fit, stretch, and launder. I have many other socks that I love, and maybe I will write about them — especially my cotton athletic socks from Germany. But right now, I am grateful for my comfy wool socks.
P.S. I will debrief my 5-week packing for this trip when I get home. Lessons learned and successes to celebrate!
Goal: two cities, five weeks, one suitcase (must weigh less than 50 lbs to win)
So, added to last week’s styles are sturdy clothes for winter in Johannesburg, with excursions to see lions, leopards, Victoria Falls (on the border of Zambia and Zimbabwe), and I hope to see some elephants, rhinos, giraffes, and zebras as well as all manner of springbok and other deer. I will still be working and trying to find some great candid photos of some of the life in South Africa.
It all fits! And I weighed the bag on my digital scale — 24 lbs! Of course, that is before beauty products. This exercise is helping me with my packing anxiety. At least for the short term.
So, for my trip to Frankfurt, and then the next four weeks in Joburg, I have added layers. Here’s the bullet list:
Cargo pants, heavy weight and ready to be destroyed
Camouflage print pants
African wax print skirt
Vintage yellow polo sweater
Olive lightweight wool sweater
White thin cotton turtleneck
Metallic tank sweater
White rain shell
Black flip flops
Olive drab jacket with “flair”
Three scarves, one cotton gingham, one rayon, one polyester (all white background, with black and a hint of accent color)
I think that I might be doing at least one more adjustment…
Week 1 Frankfurt, Germany: Build around Brooks, Ltd. LoDo Shirt
This is the second blog planning my packing list for travel to Frankfurt, then on to Johannesburg, South Africa. I am using my inspiration shirt, named after Denver’s Lower Downtown, hence the ‘LoDo’ part of the shirt description. LoDo is where Brooks, Ltd. atelier is located and is also the part of town you see college students, out-of-towners, and business folks mingling together at restaurants and venues.
I might have mentioned that I have “packing anxiety” and that has driven me to plan this trip well in advance. So, I am testing out my one-suitcase bullet wardrobe plan, beginning with five ways to wear the LoDo shirt while working, drinking kaffee, and shopping in Frankfurt, Germany. Oh, and I should tell you, I am going to be eating like a German foodie.
Here’s the bullet list for 5 choices for the first week of five weeks on the road:
Lilac cotton zip-front LoDo shirt, that doubles as a lightweight jacket
Navy slim-legged pants (J. Crew)
Silk floral shell — vintage from the 80s
White lightweight cotton turtleneck (think of the movie ‘Something’s Gotta Give’)
Black vintage Chanel Logo T-shirt (best all around T-shirt ever)
Black ballet neck tea-length dress
Black waterproof loafers (Hunter)
Black logo tennis shoes (Coach)
Silk print scarf
Rhinestone necklace (J. Crew)
These five choices easily fit into the suitcase with plenty of room for next week’s challenge– 4 weeks in Johannesburg!
Managing time apart from my husband, partner, best-friend is work. Emotional work. Slogging through the day, remembering to build in those activities and behaviors that feed into a positive aloneness takes effort. I have to think about how I am taking care of myself. Hence the hashtag #hyggetaughtme, see Instagram for my attempts at self-hygge.
However, once the airline ticket is purchased, the emotional work seems to lighten! It’s easier, knowing that travel adventures are just around the corner! My best friend and hubby-boy is absolutely the best travel companion–he was a History major–and loves to do research. As we visit each place, he talks about historical events and figures, as well as cultural interests while I scout out local food, art, and museums. So, now to the style factor and…Let the packing anxiety/excitement begin! (Breathe in, breathe out!)
Let’s start with a list of activities in Frankfurt, Germany:
Walking on cobblestones
Having kaffee und kuchen with friends (everyday)
Walking through the park, riding the U-bahn
Eating out in the evening
Museum (Natural History, Modern Art)
Walking by the river
List activities in Johannesburg, South Africa:
Visit wild animal parks
Go to markets
Find reasonably safe food to eat and still feel like we belong on the Food Network
Next list the weather:
Frankfurt in June = Seattle in June
Johannesburg in June/July
Now how to pack one suitcase for two cities for over one month…Hmmmm….first attempt. Here’s the bullet list:
African wax print skirt (authentic African Wax Print produced in Holland)
Yellow vintage polo
Yellow/Gray/White/Black print knit skirt
Camouflage pants (doesn’t really camouflage hips like I hoped)
Cargo pocket pants (for animals to destroy)
White cotton men’s s/s shirt
White rain shell
Charcoal wool sweater
Heather gray cotton v-neck sweater
Green felt hat
Rain coat, leopard print
Linen Blazer, cream, black trim
Purple/Mauve/Pink Ikat Print (not authentic, I can assure you)
I absolutely love this generation of “kids” –they are a kinder, more emotionally aware group in general. However, they are also putting the “hippie” back in “hipster” to put it gently. Many of these kids are having some challenges finding their way, so I have put together a quick .pdf of a PowerPoint presentation that I made for one of my boys.
I have been working diligently since the kids were pre-teens to be the best parent and guide that I can possible be through frequent-healthy communication, and safe emotional guidance aka lots of listening.
I have also taken to heart the book of Proverbs in the bestseller, The Bible. As a parent helping my offspring find a career that will be satisfying, pay the bills, and fulfill the purpose that has been put into the hard drive programming, can be tricky. Mostly, there must be a giant load of trust in God, in his ways, his process, and that He is able to work outside of any parental fear, anxiety, nagging, et al.
So, here is the free download, Couples Work Plan. It was very helpful to my son and I hope you can find some ideas to use in your own consultation with your adultings.