Category: change

And Slow It Goes

I looked back at my blog posts from the beginning of the pandemic. Before my day that the “earth stood still.” Before.

I was hopeful about the good side of lockdown — see Lockdown Italia: Day 10 — it is there. Curiosity was there too, what would this change of lifestyle bring? What would I discover, what would I do?

Then my middle son died. Not from coronavirus, but for over a month I had worried that he would die from the virus. He instead died of complications from an ill-timed, ill-advised surgery that didn’t heal and he ended up with internal bleeding that couldn’t be stopped. He died relatively quickly, and relatively painlessly, without the agony experienced by those COVID patients who die a slow, breathless death.

Even now, I see the mercy in this event. Unfortunately, I haven’t wanted to embrace this reality. Who wants to embace a rattlesnake? This morning, no wait, two days ago, I was listening to a song with lyrics about losing someone and now everyday is a rainy day — I think Bruno Mars was singing it. And I started feeling. My denial, my emotional paralysis, my initial shock might be moving forward.

Moving forward might also be moving downwards, in fact, it has to move downwards. I have to feel sad, outraged, terrified, hollow, abandoned, and I have to wail from the loss. How have I been able to avoid this for so long? For 502 days?

The sadness, the wave of grief has been lapping at my feet for 16 months and now I have to step further into the ocean, while the ocean moves towards me.

He loved to laugh.

Lockdown Italia: Day 10

I am experiencing my own renaissance here in lockdown. Oddly enough, I am now an early riser.

At 5:30 a.m. I open the shades and the sliding glass door to the balcony to hear the 30-minute, a capella concert of every bird in Rome. It is so loud that it fills the neighborhood with chirping, trilling, throaty warbling, caw-ing, and that sound that seagulls make, the one that mimics sea lions only 3 octaves higher.

During this gentle half-hour, the traffic cannot be heard, and now at 6:06 a.m. I can hear the cars and trucks off on the main thoroughfare drifting up over the hill. The riotous cacophony has moved to another street.

While the concert is performed, sunrise slowly displays the perfect ombres that inspire every artist and textile designer in the world. This lighting plan is delicate and nuanced. The blues being gently overcome by pale blue, then there is almost no discernable color that moves towards the palest nude that moves to buff. The sun is coming. Soon.

This slower pace is good for me. This slower pace makes it easy to think, to heal. It is as the Psalmist wrote:

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures.

I have often noticed that when I need to rest, to slow down, and I don’t pay attention to that need– let’s say I discount that need as lazy, or listen to bad advice to “push through” or “move on” — I get sick or injured or experience one of my many migraines. I am then forced to meditate on Psalm 23, made to lie down, and in my life, it is green pastures.

Day 10 and I am accepting this new normal. I wonder if I will be changed, long-term by this slower pace. Will I start a commune or become a hermit? Or will I push forward and forget the lessons I am learning?

Manage Well: Preparedness

If it sounds like I am going into a sermonette, you’re right! You might have seen my Instagram posts with my #lockeddownItalia hashtags with meal plans and daily meal agendas — done in the eponymous whiteboard marker — not attractive, but useful, simple, and easy! Why do I plan? Because it’s in the Bible, it’s what I have learned in Sunday school — yes, folks in church. Here are three Bible stories that highlight the importance of being prepared (there are many more).

  1. Joseph interprets the dream that God gave to Pharoah Genesis 41:15 – 40. Basically, Pharoah has a dream that disturbs him about 7 fat cows, that are then devoured by 7 lean cows. That’s a dream weird enough to call on the Almighty All-Knowing God, and the interpretation was predicting 7 years of abundant harvests with 7 years of famine following them. You see, God was preparing everyone for these lean years and provided the wisdom needed to survive those tough years. Joseph went into planning mode, saved an appropriate amount of foodstuffs, and the nation of Egypt survived the lean years.
  2. Parable of the ten virgins Matthew 25:1. Let me caution you to not focus on the word ‘virgins,’ since this is a historical-cultural reference meant to highlight, in a situation the people of the time would easily understand, the concept of foolishness vs. wisdom, the idea of being prepared. In this time in history, it was customary to go out and wait while it was still dark for the bridegroom to come for his betrothed. So the foolish virgins took their lamps, not knowing how long they would wait, without additional oil, while the wise virgins took lamps and a spare jar of oil, just to be on the safe side. Really more of the meaning of this story is about the kingdom of heaven and practicing faithfulness. FOMO has always been the part that has stuck with me — maybe because in Sunday school, I was 7 years old and the teacher focused on being prepared as opposed to the kingdom of heaven — you don’t really want to scare little children about sudden death. Remember, those were the days when we would pray this prayer regularly:Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. Please bless grandma and grandpa and make Toby, grandma’s dog, better. Amen.
  3. The story of the rebuilding of Jerusalem in Nehemiah is fascinating. It is full of bad guys, being prepared, organizing people, etc. Another Sunday school lesson series that influenced me.

What can we learn from these stories? Here’s the bullet list:

  • Wisdom works well
  • Think ahead
  • Avoid bad stuff
  • Don’t squander your wealth — you might need it later
  • Manage your resources
  • Stories that we tell our children matter
  • Discipline of going to church (even if it’s online) builds character
  • Reading the Bible builds character and is entertaining
  • Expect bad guys in power and in government
  • Do something even though there might be bad guys in power
  • Prayer matters
  • Relationship with God is beneficial to your health and lifespan
  • Be bold and do right
  • We don’t need to worry, we need to be obedient to Godimg_20200318_083809730

What else have you learned from these passages of scripture?

 

 

 

 

Working from Home: Tips for Sanity

I read this article last Friday and decided to add my own spin!

https://www.fastcompany.com/90476020/working-from-home-7-smart-tips-to-help-you-get-more-done?utm_campaign=eem524%3A524%3As00%3A20200312_fc&utm_medium=Compass&utm_source=newsletter

 

The 7 smart tips in the article referenced above are:

  1. Get Dressed
  2. Create a Dedicated Workspace
  3. Set and Maintain Your Normal Hours
  4. Focus on Your Output
  5. Eat Healthy Lunches
  6. Schedule More Check-ins with Your Team
  7. Limit Distractions

These are all basic strategies for working remotely and some are easier to implement than others. Since I have been working remotely for the past 8 years, and across many time zones, I thought I would share some other ideas that have been helpful in keeping me engaged in work and with my teams, as well as balanced my family life.

Enhanced Communication

We all know to some extent that much of our daily communication at the office is non-verbal. We see a co-worker with clenched teeth, or notice an entire team disappear for 2 hours. These are non-verbal cues that help us to do some interpersonal research and interaction to ensure that we are completing our deliverable with the most relevant information available. When we return home at the end of the day, we see the non-verbals of our family members, and no doubt turn to the happiest member for some stress relief (maybe the family dog?)!

When all of our time is spent away from the office, we miss out on those non-verbal cues, so enhanced communication becomes helpful and effective. When we are suddenly available 24/7 to our household, expectations need to be set, so that everyone understands what appropriate work boundaries are during lockdown.

Here are some suggestions for teams:

  • If possible, use a shared app for managing projects or tasks such as Monday.com. You can use this as your virtual office, see input, comments and status
  • If an app is not right for your team, a daily morning email can work well
    • Keep it short
    • Include explanations, why, steps, instructions, etc.
    • Bullet what you can
    • Use meaningful subject headers, such as Status: Project #1 [date]
    • Encourage your team to ask questions
    • Provide information for next conference call or video call
  • End of the Day Summary to Manager
    • Include status of deliverables
    • Issues/challenges
    • Needs
    • Accomplishments
  • Daily morning huddle call

 

Here are suggestions for families:

  • Family meeting to set schedule, expectations, answer questions
  • Clearly identify workspace and expectations surrounding this space
    • g. “The dining table is my workspace from 8 – 5”
    • “I will put everything away by 5:30”
    • “While I am on conference calls it’s time for you to play in your fort”
    • “We will eat lunch from 12 – 1 picnic style”

You get the idea and of course you will have an entirely different scenario at your home!

  • Collaboratively get ideas for how to manage household tasks
  • Meet daily for a family huddle with lots of hugs and cuddles
    • Gently remind family of expectations
    • Ask what’s working well
    • Ask for issues/challenges
    • Ask for other input
  • If it isn’t working well, be sure to problem solve
  • Make changes as appropriate

 

Enhanced communication works well most of the time and especially now, to be sure we don’t start losing our sanity, we need to “use it or lose it!”

Lockdown Italia: Manage Well

Pancake_Ricotta Orange with Nutella
Saturday Breakfast: Ricotta Orange Pancakes and a smear of Nutella

I was prepared for the lockdown here in Italy. I had a meal plan and I stocked my two-shelf pantry a little at a time over January and February. There is satisfaction when you’ve anticipated a crisis or emergency and effectively moved past the first phase — avoiding a potentially crazy situation.

Now that we have lived through the first week, it’s time to do a quick review of what 1) has worked well, 2) potential holes are in the plan, and 3) other opportunities this situation provides.

Worked Well

  • Zombie Meal Plan: the rough template of what meals we would eat over the course of a 2-week lockdown, and ensuring that we had the ingredients in the cupboard or the refrigerator
  • Routines: we have been using a home video series for  yoga stretching, apps for sermons online, prayer time every meal and every night before bed, tidying up, so these structures keep an even keel for us emotionally and physically
  • Introducing our love of singing into our Routine: I felt very Maria von Trapp yesterday — wait, I have to start earlier, earlier in the week when we ran out of dishwasher pods. We ran out, which is a little cloud on my sunshiny plan — it means, that I have to don my pink rubber gloves and wash dishes BY HAND! Washing dishes by hand has always been a particular hated task of mine, possibly due to a somewhat mentally traumatic event in my elementary school years, but let’s not open that jar of anchovies. So, I am washing dishes by hand, and I think I must have gotten over my little trauma, because I started remembering times my grandmother and I washed dishes, singing old-timey church hymns at the top of our lungs. I determined that the next day, I would draft Hubby as my suds helper, (which worked – because he is simply the best guy in the world™®. Then I started trying to sing an old-timey hymn and I had forgotten most of the words. Not to be deterred, I asked Hubs to choose a song. He wasn’t quite cooperative. Another night passed and I turned into Maria von Trapp or maybe Mother Superior. I warned him that I wanted to hear Folsom Prison during the next episode of ‘washing dishes.’ Then I followed up on it. He wasn’t cooperative at first, which is totally unreasonable — see Hubby has a beautiful singing voice — he has performed musical theatre! Anyway, I started the song, and we all know that I love to sing, but not everyone loves to hear me sing. I handed it off to him and like a champ, he took it and sang his best Johnny Cash! I heard all of Folsom Prison! Next, we started learning a duet — Shallow — it was incredibly fun and yes, it helps to strengthen us, remind us of who we were, who we are, and gives us hope about how we’re going to handle anxiety and stress together. As a team or at least a country duet.
  • Haven’t needed to go to the grocery store (might want to, but haven’t, just no need)

Potential Holes

  • Not accounting for Hubby’s water and creamer needs during the day when he’s home from work (accounted for coffee, and for water, just not the extra 1,5 liter he chugs throughout the day and the 1/4 cup of cream he likes in his “coffee”–meaning he is using my-planned-for-espresso-steaming milk. Don’t worry, I have two boxes of milk in the cupboard that I can use — I am just being stingy! #curmudgeon)
  • Didn’t plan for a small bag of dishwasher pods, hence long story above
  • Possibly might run low on lemons and juice — a grocery run may be needed this week (In this ‘live’ test of my Zombie Meal Plan my goal is to be able to eat well with no grocery store runs! Even if we do sneak in a creamer and dishwasher pod purchase.)

Other Opportunities

  • Guitar might get some air time
  • Might use my singing lesson techniques
  • Writing projects
  • Strengthen relationships
  • Home organization
  • Posts for Chrissyginger Instagram might improve

 

Traveling While Sick: Tips & Observations

The morning of my flight from Johannesburg, South Africa to Frankfurt, Germany I started an earnest sinus infection/summer cold. Here’s what I did right and what I would change if I had to do it all over again…

This is what worked well:

  • Scheduled 24-hour layover in new hotel
  • Hall’s cough drops in a carry-on bag
  • Advil in a carry-on bag
  • Z-pack antibiotics (proactively prescribed from fantastic nurse practitioner)
  • Giant bottle of water to take on the plane
  • Best carry-on bag design
  • Cash
  • Shopping in airport
  • Very-close-to-airport hotel

What I would change:

  • Type of hotel
  • Should have been located near some restaurants

So, I stayed at a sister brand hotel– it was really new, and really cute. Hip. Trendy. Lower cost. Here’s why:

  • No in-room coffee
  • No executive lounge
  • No room service
  • No restaurant
  • No wi-fi in room

I learned on this trip just how spoiled I am with a full-service hotel, meaning the big, full service with a restaurant, a snack room, an executive lounge, room service, coffee-at-will in my room. In these big hotels, I can work in the room, in the lounge, in the lobby, but in these trendy scaled down hotels, it is designed for a different crowd. Folks who have kids, don’t work from their room, are not spending any time in their room except to shower and to sleep.

So, I dragged myself around the coffee bar/check-in a few times during the day, looking so pathetic, the guest manager/clerk helped me microwave my soup, find the spoons, and made me coffee. I ended up sleeping throughout the day and night, recovering from the crud that had ushered me out of Africa.

Moxy Hotel, Frankfurt, Germany
Welcome to the 2nd Floor!

Note: I have found incredible hospitality at the hotels that I have stayed at — caring people, ready to help. Because I have been a road warrior, I have had several instances of being quite ill during my stays throughout the United States and Europe. Here’s a shout out to every room service person who helped me with hot water and lemon, disinfecting the bathroom [don’t ask], the folks in the restaurant who prescribed lime juice with salt for my throat so I could deliver training to a crowd, and proceeded to procure it for me from the kitchen, and I could go on…Everyone at these places deserves to be treated kindly and with respect. I love you all in the hospitality industry!!!!

 

Shout out to the room decor designers! This is what I was waking up to when I was so sick in Frankfurt, Germany at the Moxy Hotel.

cute boy mural

Communication: Consulting your Adulting Millenial Hipsters

Consulting with your hipsters
Presentation for hipster couples to discuss. Couples Work Plan

I absolutely love this generation of “kids” –they are a kinder, more emotionally aware group in general. However, they are also putting the “hippie” back in “hipster” to put it gently. Many of these kids are having some challenges finding their way, so I have put together a quick .pdf of a PowerPoint presentation that I made for one of my boys.

I have been working diligently since the kids were pre-teens to be the best parent and guide that I can possible be through frequent-healthy communication, and safe emotional guidance aka lots of listening.

I have also taken to heart the book of Proverbs in the bestseller, The Bible. As a parent helping my offspring find a career that will be satisfying, pay the bills, and fulfill the purpose that has been put into the hard drive programming, can be tricky. Mostly, there must be a giant load of trust in God, in his ways, his process, and that He is able to work outside of any parental fear, anxiety, nagging, et al.

So, here is the free download, Couples Work Plan. It was very helpful to my son and I hope you can find some ideas to use in your own consultation with your adultings.

 

 

 

 

Example of Online Bullying?

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Is this an example of bullying?

Let’s use this to open a dialogue about online communication. I’m not worried about hurting this man’s reputation, since he has long been employed at the same small business, perhaps it is his own business, and he only has 8 connections on LinkedIn. So this is a great opportunity to discuss choices. My first point: I feel bad for my friend, Meegan Kiefel, who opened up this topic of conversation, only to have such an off-topic and mean-spirited comment to surface from one of her followers. Meegan is a wonderful person, kind, warm-hearted, and open. She would never encourage this type of comment, in fact none of my beautiful friends would support this. It is not his post or conversation to barge in on. Not his business. Yes, it’s publicly online, but that doesn’t nullify good manners, nor common sense.

Second Point: This dialogue should go deeper. It doesn’t matter to me what was posted by a stranger, but if I were less mature, younger, without exposure to the harshness of others, this could have silenced me, or worse, hurt my self-confidence. In fact, I considered completely ignoring this silly comment. However, I realize in our current culture, I cannot walk away. It would be missing the opportunity given to me to share some important topics of consideration. Such as the following questions: What are we accepting in our society, in our communication, in our media as acceptable communication? Are we afraid of reading/hearing different perspectives and points-of-view? Can we be more invitational? Can we ask more questions and listen to more answers? I say “no” to our media’s presentation of mockery, insinuation, deliberate misguided interpretation, insults, and pointless coverage. We can empower each other to rise above the lowest common denominator.

Point Three: There are many good reasons to practice courtesy, case in point, your own personal branding. What does this comment say about this person? How many potential customers and employers will see this comment? What we say is a reflection of our character. Let us be more than mockers, belittlers, bullies, and haters. Choose to uplift, encourage, and inform. Don’t be silenced, but rather sound the call for kindness. After all, we can reflect the light within, even on Facebook.

1Q 2016 Now that I’ve Survived the Move

I have survived the stress of moving to Germany. Stress listed below:

  1. Packing
  2. Jet lag
  3. Unpacking
  4. Technology set up and streamlined
  5. Learning my new phone number
  6. Mostly learning my new address
  7. Starting to learn a new language
  8. Finding a warm enough coat

The easiest parts:

  1. Apartment, no yard work
  2. Taking bus to language class
  3. Walking to store 2x per week
  4. Using ATM
  5. Taking U-bahn (equivalent to the El in Chicago)

I have discovered that cobblestones come in various strengths. There’s mostly smooth walkways, well-worn and not-level cobblestones, and brutal ragged jagged poorly spaced cobblestones. Good news: our American athletic shoes are in fashion over here finally! Still many folks who don’t wear them, but plenty of teens do. I like to double gel insert my shoes when traveling to the small towns–I’m just sayin’.

The food here also comes in three types: really yummy, meh, and gross. We had a perfectly great dinner at a restaurant, but had ordered the traditional cheese as a “Vorspeise”  or appetizer. It was the texture of paraffin, in a cold watery i-don’t-know-what liquid, with finely chopped white onions over the top. The waiter stood there watching us take our first bite.

The look on my face. That’s why he was watching us take our first bite. Apparently, everyone gets that look of repulsion and horror when they bite into that cheese. I couldn’t keep chewing. I couldn’t spit it out, being diplomatic and all, but I couldn’t keep it in my mouth. That’s how he, the waiter, gets amusement throughout the long winter evenings. He then admitted that he couldn’t eat it and rarely meets anyone who can.

Wine is amazing here and I am talking about the wine that you buy for three to four euros. It’s great, I’m spoiled.

The bread here is on another level from the bread we get at the grocery store in Colorado. And I’m talking about the good bakery bread from Whole Foods. This is just, well, baked fresh in front of you, hand braided, using incredible versions of wheat, rye, and every other whole grain known to man. One of my favorite rolls to buy is a pretzel braid covered in poppy seeds. I could eat one right now. And again for dinner. And again for breakfast. But breakfast, in hour apartment, is reserved for the German version of raisin bread. Roisinen Brot. It has extra yummy citron pieces in it that wake up your taste buds and it goes great with dark black coffee. It absolutely must be toasted just beyond golden brown to bring out the flavors.

Have I gained some weight you ask? Well, not much, due to the walking everywhere on cobblestones. Thank the good Lord.

Speaking of the good Lord. We have found a beautiful little church located on a lovely park, with the charm and ritual that the Church of England and the Episcopalians use for worship. More importantly, this small church has amazing music. They have a pipe organ and the choir sings beautiful classical Bach numbers– that shouldn’t be possible at this little congregation, but there they were. Our walk there is only 10 minutes, past the duck pond, over the bridge, just absolutely idyllic. Anyway, we found out why the choir is so amazing. It has several members who sing for the Frankfurt opera.

After Sunday service, we walk through the park, see the geese and the lone gosling, on our way to eating outside at a dumpy, but relaxing dining establishment. We’ve had really good food there for the past two weeks and as we pass all of the little gardening plots we see flowers and many other signs of spring. And graffiti.

The graffiti covers everything in Frankfurt. Sheds, buildings, backs of signs, walls, fences. Everything. Is. Covered. In. Graffiti.