Moving Algebra: Packing It Up

I’m here. finally. in Frankfurt. But it was like doing a story problem in algebra.

Calculate solving for x. UAB=air shipping, HHE=slow container shipping

UAB=175 lbs   HHE≠500 lbs

(x2)-weight of boxes=UAB

HHE=x2*y+weight of boxes+weight of containers+monty python movie poster (framed)=UAB+HHE

Therefore x= _____________lbs

Now answer the following story questions:

If Mary didn’t get everything shipped UAB and/or HHE, what will it cost to ship the rest of her sh!t to Germany? Use the following information to help you solve for x.

4 large-sized priority shipping boxes

2 medium-sized priority shipping boxes

1 small-sized shipping box = x

Solve for x. You may use the USPS website for additional information.

If Tina has a bag allowance of 2 suitcases, each with a 50 lb maximum, and she is shipping her french bulldog on the same flight and can take 2 personal items on board, how will she get all of this luggage out of baggage claim, which has a rule that no one but passengers can enter the area? Remember, Tina cannot ask for help due to a cultural rule of public silence and her husband cannot help her, since he is not allowed in the baggage claim area.

answer: How many muscles and nerves has Tina injured?

Trivia questions: Which airline provides lighting that imitates the northern lights?

answer: Iceland Air

What is the traditional Christmas drink of Iceland composed of?

answer: non-alcoholic stout and orange soda

BONUS Question: (more than one answer may apply)

When Tina’s husband says “everything is ready”, should she:

  1. believe him
  2. buy a new coffee maker
  3. expect that some shopping is required
  4. plan on spending at least $1000 to get the new apartment up to her standards

Oh, and by the way. Thank God I’m not married to Tina’s husband!

Just Walk Away

I just heard an awful story from Crazytown. It’s the most common story that I hear — two people, with kids, can’t figure out that there’s a way to deal with mental illness, with anger, fear, and pain. And so he beats her. And then eventually shoots her. In this case, 7 children, all from other relationships are robbed of their parents. 7 lives now overflowing with anger, fear, and pain. 

If you are in one of these relationships. You know if you are. You have panic attacks. You yell. You scream. No one hears you. No one can help you. You feel hopeless. But you dream. You know that there must be something else. Other than drinking and drugs and cutting and everything else you do to cope.

Stop putting a funny face on it. Stop saying the sun will come out tomorrow. Because if you don’t walk away, it won’t.

Just walk away.

Oh! Easy for you to say! No. Not easy. It is hard, in fact, terrifying. You have to make plans to stay safe. You have be alert for stalking. But it has to be done. Otherwise, well, you will die. And that is not an option. You have kids. It is not an option. You must fight for sanity, fight for your life, fight for your kids. 

Make a plan. Just walk away.

If you are a man. Walk away. It’s the only way to be a man. You are not a man if you are tormenting the “one you love” — that is not ever acceptable. Not when you’re drunk or high. It hurts you in ways, well, you know what I mean. You lose your self-respect. It’s time to walk away. Oh, but that’s the problem, too many fathers walking away. Let me break it to you. If you, as a father, are beating the life out of anyone, your girlfriend, your wife, your kids, you are not a father, you are a jailer. If you need meds and you don’t feel like taking them, be a man, and take your meds.

Just walk away.

Or, get help. Don’t try. Just do it. Don’t make excuses, oh I’m tired, I work 60 hours a week, it’s not in my insurance plan. So? Either make it work and suck it up and get better and escape from Crazytown or just walk away. 

There is no stasis. You are both part of the problem. Fix it or file it. 

 

Tip of the Day for the Self Employed

Here’s my best tip — free to anyone in charge of their own income, projects, and accomplishments. Use one of your friends as “Boss of the Day” — I just did this today. And look, I am writing again! And more importantly, I am going to work my marketing plan.

I had fallen into a miasma, a lazy summer meandering mindset. It’s been fun, it’s been good — don’t get me wrong. But in my Purple Haze, a red flag of anxiety has been drifting on the wind of doubt. Yes, my old arch nemesis, Self-Doubt, (villainous laughter: whah hah hah). I can tell you that some lessons learned are reviewed throughout life. Once you have kicked Self-Doubt out on its butt, you frequently find it lurking around in the corner, which requires another butt-kicking.

Who knew that today, all I needed was Kaya asking me “Why aren’t you getting things done? Something’s stopping you. What is it?”

Me: “Uuuuuuuuhnhhhhh, I dunno.” The feeling of foolishness isn’t one I relish. So, I told her, my boss of the day, when I will get certain tasks done, followed up by an email, and a phone call at the end of the week.

I didn’t need a drill sergeant, I just needed the sweetest person in the world to look me in the eyes and ask me straight on what, why, and when. You too can be someone’s BOTD or get the benefit of someone else doing BOTD.

Now, what’s stopping you from getting your dream done?

So, try this at home. No professionals needed.

10 Reasons to Stop

  1. Because self-discipline feels good–eventually
  2. Because there are better reasons to buy shoes
  3. To avoid blisters and hoarding
  4. To stop and smell the roses (literally–find a rose bush in bloom and smell the scent–it won’t be around long)
  5. To let others go (figuratively–let them leave, grow, explore, move on)
  6. So that you can go in another direction without crashing
  7. Because it’s for your safety (figuratively again; when we really listen to our internal stop signs we protect ourselves from all kinds of bad things)
  8. Because it’s for your safety (don’t be that person who is walking and reading email and falls into an open manhole)
  9. Because crashing your car is expensive
  10. Because cops are around, cameras are around, and people will tattle on you

Shoe Recovery

I know I am a quitter — I never finished my 100 pairs of shoes blog. I could have slogged on, I could have ignored the fact that I had only one or maybe two readers. But let’s face it, seeing crazy shoes that other people are wearing is just not as fun as seeing new shoes that we could be buying!

New shoes, buying shoes, collecting shoes, Imelda Marcosing. I don’t know exactly when I allowed myself to start going crazy over shoes — I do remember when I didn’t allow myself to purchase in excess. So, as the Byrds sang, and Solomon wrote, to every season…

A season to buy, a season to obstain. A season to wear sky high stilettos, a season to wear Dansko clogs. Here’s to a new and improved shoe buyer, shoe lover. One who buys the Goldilocks amount of shoes!

Why the change? Is it dreaded middle age? Is it bunyons, corns, or nerve damage? Why, why, oh why?

Well, self, I’ll tell you. Because at the age of XX, it’s time to grow up. Time to embrace maturity in its best sense. Time to –well–help two out of three offspring get through college. So here is the list that will help you get through this new unshoeing stage:

  1. Other women don’t buy a pair of shoes every week, you don’t need to either.
  2. You have almost 200 pairs of shoes, surely you can find one pair to go with that outfit.
  3. You don’t go to charity balls or cocktail parties on a regular basis, so you don’t need to “stock up” on satin Louboutins.
  4. People who judge you primarily on your shoes aren’t that interesting — but people who strike up a conversation over your shoes and move on are.
  5. Your feet are more than shoe stuffers.
  6. The money you save can feed a child in your city.
  7. The money you save can fund a plane ticket to Hawaii–to visit your University going child.
  8. You can buy more shoes next year.
  9. Boots count as shoes.
  10. You have shoes or boots that you still haven’t worn yet.

Keep focused and stay out of the shoe department!

100 pairs of shoes, Vallhalla Sandals

Pair no. 35: These flashy sandals were on on a Valhallan woman in Denver, she was tall and not one to be trifled with — long blonde Wagnerian hair, big truly blue eyes, and had the strength of a man. BEAUTY comes in every shape and size and this woman was impressive! Plus, you can’t argue with flashy 4″ heels on a woman who is already 5’10” tall in her bare toes. I love seeing other tall women wearing heels and stomping on the world. It just reminds me that I won’t be wearing heels forever…I broke down and bought a pair of Dansko clogs to facilitate training…well, I’ll wear them at least one day a week. I can’t say goodbye to heels just yet…I’m not old enough!

Maryjane Wedges – work worthy!

Pair no. 34:  I saw these work worthy cuties in Livermore, CA — why do the cutest shoes end up on the nicest women? I think that there must be something to loving adorable shoes that makes you friendly! I asked this woman if I could take a picture of her shoes and her face lit up the room! I know I keep saying that in every post it seems — but, it’s true! These wedges have the added maryjane factor and I think that I need a pair of them in my size!